I Used to Think Anger Was Harmful. Today I See It Differently.

As a little girl, I grew up with a father who often became angry.

He would shout.

Throw tools.

Bang on things.

For a small child, his unpredictable outbursts felt deeply threatening.

I was scared.

And I was confused.

He was my dad.

Together with my mum, he was the only source of safety I knew.

As I grew older, I started feeling angry with him.

To me, anger became something that hurt people.

Somewhere deep inside, I made a decision.

I will never be like that.

I'll keep my anger under control.

I'll never hurt anyone the way I was hurt as a child.

So I spent most of my life suppressing my anger.

Whenever it surfaced, I felt ashamed.

I believed I had failed.

That I should have been able to control myself.

It wasn't until much later that I realised the price I was paying.

Constant tension throughout my body.

Sleepless nights.

And, over time, various physical health problems.

I only truly began meeting my anger when I started learning how to experience my emotions instead of pushing them away.

And I discovered something that surprised me.

The hardest part wasn't allowing myself to feel anger.

First, I had to allow myself to feel the shame that came with it.

That, too, took time.

But when I finally allowed myself to fully experience my anger, I felt an enormous sense of relief.

Yet that often wasn't the end of it.

Very often, I discovered that beneath my anger was something much more VULNERABLE.

Helplessness.

Pain.

Fear.

Grief.

Slowly, I began to understand why the anger had been there in the first place.

Today, I no longer see anger as the enemy.

Quite the opposite.

I feel that for many years it was protecting me from feelings that were even harder for me to bear.

That's why I no longer think it's important to get rid of anger.

I think it's important not to be afraid of it.

Not so that we act on it.

But because it can lead us to what is really hiding underneath.

My experience is that when I stop fighting what I'm feeling, a much deeper sense of inner peace begins to emerge. And from that place, new possibilities appear—possibilities I simply couldn't see before.

I've come to believe that true freedom doesn't come from getting rid of uncomfortable feelings. It comes from no longer being afraid of them.

That has been one of the greatest gifts this journey has given me.

What about you?

What did you learn about anger growing up?

Was it welcomed in your family?

Or did you learn, like I did, that it wasn't something you were supposed to feel?

I'd love to hear about your experience. ❤️