Why do I suddenly become a completely different person?

Perhaps you know this feeling.

Normally, you're a calm person.

You're happy to listen to others.

You don't want to argue.

But then something happens.

Your partner says something.

Someone criticises you.

You feel rejected.

And suddenly, it's as if you've become someone else.

You start defending yourself.

You lash out at the other person.

You burst into tears.

Or you completely shut down.

And when it's all over, you find yourself thinking:

"That wasn't me at all."

"I don't understand what came over me."

"I'm not normally like that."

"Why couldn't I control myself?"

Why does this happen?

At first glance, it may seem as though we become a completely different person in certain situations.

But my experience has shown me something slightly different.

MAYBE YOU DIDN'T BECOME SOMEONE ELSE.

MAYBE A PART OF YOU SIMPLY CAME FORWARD — A PART THAT ONCE LEARNED THAT THIS WAS THE WAY TO PROTECT YOU.

How is that possible?

Throughout our lives, each of us has developed different ways of surviving difficult situations.

Some people learned to fight.

Some learned to please others.

Some learned to handle everything on their own.

Some learned to become invisible.

And some learned never to show weakness.

These ways of responding often developed when we were very young.

And at the time, they may genuinely have helped us.

But our nervous system remembers them.

And when it perceives a situation as dangerous today, it may automatically activate those same responses again.

AND THIS IS WHERE I BELIEVE A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING ARISES.

After a situation like this, we often tell ourselves:

"That wasn't me."

But what if it was still you?

Just not the part of you that you know best.

Perhaps it was a part of you that developed in order to protect you.

Maybe that is why its behaviour surprises you so much.

Because it only comes forward when it feels threatened.

THIS IS WHY WE SOMETIMES DON'T UNDERSTAND OURSELVES.

We tell ourselves:

"I would never normally do that."

And that may well be true.

But in that moment, it is no longer the calm, adult part of you that is responding.

It is the part that once came to believe it had to fight.

Or run away.

Or hide.

Not because this part is bad.

But because it is trying to do what it once learned to do.

Protect you.

THIS DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR BEHAVIOUR.

The fact that a reaction happens automatically doesn't mean we don't have to take responsibility for the consequences of what we do.

It simply means that if we truly want to change our reactions, constantly judging ourselves for them is not enough.

We need to understand WHAT TRIGGERS THEM.

Because only then can what is happening inside us begin to change as well.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WORK WITH IN BETRUE.

We don't try to silence this part.

Nor do we treat it as an enemy.

We are interested in something else.

What is this part afraid of?

What is it trying to protect?

What feelings might arise if it no longer had to respond in this particular way?

My experience is that when someone can SAFELY MEET these feelings, something very interesting begins to happen.

They no longer have to fight against themselves.

They begin to understand even the parts of themselves they previously rejected.

And this is often when their reactions begin to change as well.

This is where real change begins.

Not when we try to become someone else.

But when we stop fighting the parts of ourselves that have been trying to protect us all our lives.

Then they no longer need to take control so often.

Not because we have suppressed them.

But because they no longer have to do their job alone.

SO PERHAPS YOU DON'T BECOME SOMEONE ELSE IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS.

PERHAPS A PART OF YOU SIMPLY COMES FORWARD — A PART THAT ONCE LEARNED TO PROTECT YOU IN THE ONLY WAY IT KNEW HOW AT THE TIME.

And that is something completely different.

If you recognised yourself in this, perhaps you already sense that the answer is not to fight these reactions or judge yourself for them.

If you would like to know how I work in BeTrue with the parts of us that take control when we feel threatened, I'd be happy to hear from you.

I'd be glad to show you what a path can look like where you no longer have to be afraid of your own reactions because you begin to truly understand them.